Despite considering myself widely read, in fact a bit of a bibliophile, I had never before heard of John Cowper Powys until reading the two chapters devoted to him in David Goodway’s, Anarchist Seeds beneath the Snow. It proved a fateful meeting indeed.
If ever a book had an apt title, it is ‘Seeds’. Across the months, I found myself taking it down from the shelf and re-reading the chapter on Powys’s life-philosophy, until the book opened automatically at those pages and they began to come loose from the spine. I bought one of the original philosophical books, then another, and another. It seemed that whenever I began to read anything else, JCP’s philosophical books called me back. So I read the series and his Autobiography, and was enthralled and inspired by his practical wisdom and the relevance of his ideas to my own life. But there was no immediate action on my part; not visible anyway, instead JCP’s ideas planted themselves deep in my mind and lay dormant for several months. Then one day, I realised that I felt content, something I had not experienced for a long time. When I began to think about it, I discovered I had been implementing some of his practical strategies in my daily life and was now feeling their beneficial effects.
The previous year or two were ones when I was unhappy in a vague sort of way, discontented is probably a more apt description. I was happy in my immediate personal relationships but overall, I felt estranged from others and the world at large. I was a nurse, and during the course of every day there was something to remind me of the preciousness and fragility of life. I had no right to be dis-satisfied, unsettled and bored when I had every reason to be happy and grateful for what I had. But reprimanding myself never worked for long before I slipped back into those feelings of futility, sadness and loneliness. I was sick – sick of the life I was living. I still loved life but I hated the daily grind, the regimented cycle of work, meeting friends for coffee, nights out for meals, shopping sprees (actual and window) listening to the endless chatter about clothes, holidays, cars and celebs, plans for expansion of houses or next steps up the career ladder. All about me, people talked of ‘aspiration society,’ - the word ‘aspiring’ seemed to be included in every conversation. Increasingly, I sat at the edge, feigning interest while sinking deeper into despair as I realized my values and ideas were at odds with the mainstream. I had aspirations too but I aspired to other, different things and my life and thoughts seemed to be constantly at variance with those around me. I now really understood what it meant to feel alone in a crowd. It was when I was at my lowest point and feeling completely lost that JCP burst into my life.
John Cowper Powys showed me that there are other ways to live, other ways to spend our days than living just to work, buy stuff and show off to each other. He points to a bigger world, a wider universe full of beauty, wonder and mystery and helped me to see it, feel it and experience it, to recognise myself as part of it. He showed me how to expand beyond the narrow limitations and instead of merely existing, to feel life, to truly live in the fullest sense. He showed me the way to another way of living and saved my sanity. He helped me to discover the sources of my discontent, to better understand myself and the world. He helped to free me from the shackles of conformity and to face my fears, gave me the courage to follow my heart. He told me it was right to retreat inwards, it was natural to seek solitude and that fulfilment can be found in books, art and music, and time spent in the natural world. He assured me that there was nothing wrong with me because I was not driven by a desire for promotion and material gain and confirmed my belief that there are different types of wealth and happiness and that compassion is more important and life-affirming than profit and money.
JCP took me on a journey of self-discovery that, like all worthwhile ventures, has been arduous at times but worth it for the knowledge, understanding, wisdom and contentment that I have gained. And although I am affected by the world, have to engage with it, deal with problems and issues that are part of living, my attitude and my world view are different. Most of all, he gave me a new found sense of feeling and being alive.
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